Confusion Reigns

Well, it's been a bit, but it's been an eventful and hard bit. Kaydra's settling in at the School of Music, Hubby's doing well in his job, and we've been approved to buy a house...so now we get to seriously start shopping for houses. I am so sick of renting...I can't wait!

Kira's still loving her new school, and I think it's great that she's happy again. The twinkle has returned to her eyes.

On the downside, I've been sicker than a dog from these treatments and medications...but at least it's almost over ... sometimes you have to wonder of the cure isn't worse than the disease...

ah well, at least I'm alive to raise my baby girlie

Murphy's Law

Well, it's nearing graduation time. Kaydra starts the Crucible at 0200 Eastern Wednesday. 54 hours of prayer for her and her fellow recruits of Oscar and Echo companies. Those kids are truly going to be in the weeds for the next few days. They'll be hungry, sleep deprived, sore, and mentally exhausted only half way through...But they've trained for 10 weeks for this....They'll be fine...

In the midst of all this, my husband goes and pulls the most stupid stunt possible. In the process destroys any and all faith or trust I had ever had in him...So once again I'm out on a limb and on my own.

My youngest starts her new school at the end of the month, and I'm excited for her. She's ecstatic to be going to a Christian school where she won't be picked on for saying grace over her lunch. She does love Jesus so much!

Now for the huge blessing...

Since I was a little girl, I have prayed that my dad and I could meet and have a good relationship. I've wept for him time and time again over the years...And yes even as an adult there were times I'd wanted him in my life so bad it was crazy. My uncle gave me away at my wedding because I couldn't find my father, he missed the birth of both of his grandchildren, he missed the years even when I was growing up...
Well, we finally found each other...And he's been searching for me for several years.

Here's the kicker...He's been in contact with my mom and grandma for years, and they both refused to tell him where I was! They admitted it so I know he's not lying. I'm so grateful to finally have an answer to prayers that started when I was 6 years old...And have lasted until now...And at the same time, I completely resent that they made that choice for me...Even *after* I was grown to adulthood. The lies and deceit presented to me over the years make me wonder if anything mom and grandma ever told me was true...

But, I'm still praising G-d...I get to see Kaydra, and meet my father all in the same weekend, cause he's coming to her USMC graduation at Parris Island!!!!

G-d moves....Sometimes not like lightening, but prayers are answered...No matter how old the "problem" seems to be....After 30 years, He didn't forget to give me back my Daddy.

Life moves

I tell ya, the more time passes the easier it gets to function. Kaydra's been gone for over a month now, and she's nearly 1/2 way through her recruit training.

I seem to live for letters though. Nearly every week she sends me 2 letters telling me of her days, the trials and tests that she's passed and other things they're doing. She has a few new scars and more bruises than she can count, but she's surviving. The mind games are starting to wear on her though...she's a tough girl...she'll make it.

She lives to get letters and pictures just as I do now...and while it seems normal to be at the mailbox when the mail arrives and pester the postman...I believe he thinks I've lost my mind...he always looks scared when there's nothing from Parris Island in the mail...I don't understand why.

Kira is adjusting to her sister being gone, but she still misses her terribly as well. Having a sister so much older than she was, it was more like living with a favorite aunt than the usual sibling rivalry.

Her step dad and dad miss her a lot too...I guess we're all in a cycle of worry and relief when the next letter arrives...

ah well...time passes...and the days count down until we see her again...

It's going to be okay

Despite the recruiter's advice not to go to the airport, I was stubborn and went anyway to spend that precious time with my daughter. And it's a good thing I did!

We talked about a lot of things and nothing...we just talked, and I began to realize what a wonderful young woman my daughter had grown into. Her dedication to music and the Corps.

And G-d gave me peace...the peace to realize my job in raising her was done...and now I am to love her, support her and encourage her, but that she's His child and in His hands and it will be okay...

and yes...I'm going to survive this!

I'm proud of my girlie!

She's gone

My daughter left tonight with her recruiter at 1800 hours. I did manage not to cry, and even managed a smile and a wave as she left and went out of sight.

Though now, my heart's breaking. I feel as if the best part of my heart has been ripped away leaving nothing but a throbbing painful emptiness behind.

To top the night off perfectly, her little sister decided to pull a disappearing act. She went out to play, and missed her checkin.

Turns out, after canvassing the neighborhood, she was across the street playing in her friend's house. Way after dark!

I felt my whole world crumbling for those panicked moments...as if both my children were stolen from me...

Dunno how I'm going to weather all this...cause right now... it feels horrible...as if nothing really matters anymore...

A Few Extremely Short Days Left

She's leaving Sunday afternoon...

We've spent the week getting ready for the big send off Saturday. Though, the one thing she did ask for...the cream cheese mints, I had trouble doing.

I made the mint mixture just fine, but I couldn't get them out of the molds and wound up sobbing over stupid mints!

G-d bless my hubby, he saw how upset I was getting, and not really over the mints, just over everything, and he molded over 400 of them for me...he sat there for 3 hours just putting mints into the molds with colored sugar.

When she did come home, she had cut her hair off really short so she won't have to mess with it so much while in recruit training. And while she's usually worn it fairly short...it's pixie short now...

My youngest is starting to get the blues about her big sister leaving...she's her hero after all..

Me...well other than falling apart over stupid mints, I'm hanging in there...she's yet to catch me crying ... except for when she curled up on my lap and well then we were crying together...so that doesn't count...

I just want everything for her party to be perfect...and lots of pics to embed in letters we send while she's at Parris Island.

My little hero is all grown up...and now she won't be just my hero...but a hero for our country as well...she'll become a Marine...

One Week

It seems such a small amount of time...and it truly ...

One week until my daughter leaves for recruit training with the US Marines...one week remaining that she's a child under my roof, then she leaves a young girl...and 13 weeks from then..will return a young adult, and a Marine. One of the fewer the prouder the women Marines.

While part of me soars in pride the other part of me sits in cold desolation that my child is flying the nest...

My husband thinks I've lost my mind...my mother is clueless, and my friends think I'm crazy for letting her go...

I do know this...I'm going to miss her!